This is a poem (my translation) by Eugenio Montali, from his collection Ossi di Seppia - 1925
Perhaps one morning, while wandering in a dry air
of glass, I will turn around and see the miracle unfold:
nothingness at my back, void
behind me, and I will feel the terror of a drunkard.
Then, as on a screen, trees houses hills
will briskly project for the habitual deception.
But it will be too late; and I will wander on silently
amid the men who never turn around, with my secret.
(the original in Italian is in the Italian version of this blog)
Just as our poet has his eyes fixed in both directions: behind (nothingness as origin) and in front (towards the World with all its deception), Two-faced Janus is the perfect symbol to represent the year at our back and the year about to arrive. And with Epiphany, all festivities over, the habitual deception of every day life comes back to be.
In a crystal clear morning the poet, turning around suddenly, discovers the Epiphany of Nothingness, an intuition of a void which he considers as favourable (a miracle) because it corresponds to the Truth against the apparent reality of things. It is a shocking discovery however as together with this realization every point of reference and of direction is lost.
Everything we perceive from our senses comes to us from the front – the sense of reality of what is actually behind us is merely an interpretation of our brain. This machine, which aims at our survival, elaborates how things are in accordance to what its criteria of things are, based on data received through our past experience and our senses... but most of the time it makes decisions without us even realising. We don't ever have a true awareness of what is behind us – what is there really? Our brain codifies and chooses, like on the screen in our poem, to project our houses trees and hills – however, if real reality is nothingness, then all the objects of our experience are simply delusive guises.
What better discovery than that of finding out that we are the Creators of our own lives? Of knowing that all we are, have been and see …. is all part of our creation? Reality is subjective: we compare our ideas with those of others, but basically they are all interpretations. Nothing is right because nothing is wrong. We are alone in our creation but one with the Universe and therefore with everyone. And this... makes you dizzy “ with the terror of a drunkard”!
Once you've lived this miraculous experience, it's not possible to go back to the habitual condition and illusions of the “men who never turn around” unable to ponder about philosophical questions or attain an awareness of nothingness. This awareness is a privilege and also a condemnation: it isolates you and silences you (I will wander on silently) – impossible to reveal the secret to others who might not understand you.
The World behind us, a year just past... it's here but it is no longer. The World in front of us, a year still to come... it's here but not yet. In the middle, a void. My New Year resolution? Face my days as they come in the hope of discovering my essence and the space around me, expand my realm of love to whoever perceives it or needs it, allow my self to get emotional without being embarrassed – because this is how, touched by sadness and joy, I get a feel of living...